“A mother is a story.”
Are you ever ready for it? I can’t answer for you, but I wasn’t. At eighteen, I had the world in my hands but one decision changed it all. When I met baby daddy we immediately became inseparable! The passion was real and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other! Three months later, I was pregnant. Here I was at eighteen, starting college, starting a relationship, and pregnant.
Shit! Life literally changed overnight but I felt safe, secure, and protected. I couldn’t of picked a better man to introduce me to this wonderful journey. It’s been hard, stressful, and it’s never ending but it’s the best journey I’ve ever embarked.
I grew up in split households, my dad was always away working so I was always around my mom, aunts, grandparents, and uncle. When I was a little girl I decided I never wanted children or marriage, not because it was terrible but because of personal fear and childhood trauma. However, life chose differently for me.
My family members have all been a blessing, they all helped raise and guide me, and I can’t thank them enough for it all but I did resent them for a while. Some over reacted, some took it well, others panicked, and the rest just went to war with me. I was left picking sides and I chose the new family I had already created.
Baby daddy was there through it all. I’ll never forget the feeling, and his face when he first saw his angel in the ultrasound, he got tear eyed, smiled, and squeezed my hand so tight! Right then and there I felt I had nothing to worry about, and so much to be thankful for.
Growing up overnight was no joke! I went from worrying about my outfit for my first day of college to worrying about how quickly I could finish my career and start working to provide for my baby! I wish I could say everything was wonderful and magical but it wasn’t. Baby daddy and I celebrated our first year anniversary with take out and our baby boy. We have a wonderful relationship, always have, and together we’ve overcome the worst but honestly, starting a family with someone I was just getting to know was not a walk in the park.
Almost seven years later were still getting to know each other, I’m still learning about him, myself, my kids, motherhood, and just life in general but I picked the right guy to share all the chaos with. You see, he has always seen in me what I don’t. He has helped me understand my motherly role during my darkest times and yes, we fight, argue, and from time to time I’m ready to kick him out but truth is, I would be a fool to let go of a man who has stopped at nothing for me.
As a mom I’ve made so many mistakes, the main one was thinking I had to be perfect, and trying to live up to that expectation took away from so many wonderful, real moments. I’ve learned my kids don’t want me to be perfect, they don’t know what I have and lack, they only want mommy to be happy, patient, understanding, loving, and playful. Nothing else. I’ve learned how to give them what they need, I’ve learned not to be so hard on myself, I’ve learned that I am doing my best, and even though deep down I always feel it’s not enough, their smiles show me otherwise and that’s all that should, and does matter.
If I could go back I would tell my eighteen year old self all the pros and cons about motherhood at an early age and it makes me wonder if my decisions would of been any different…. On my first Mother’s Day baby daddy and I found out baby number two was on the way and its been a crazy roller coaster since, but it’s my favorite.
Teach! Learn! Enjoy!